Thursday, May 13, 2010

Bamboozle: two weeks late

 So for all three of you that read this thing, I'm sorry. I haven't posted shit on here in over a month. To be honest it's a bit tough when you actually have no time to devote to silly pursuits like a pointless blog about nothing. Anyway, down to business. I went to Bamboozle about two weeks ago. Even though after last year I swore I wouldn't. I am a liar. Here's the festival report.

Festival climate: Sub-tropical to fucking sub-Saharan Africa hot. It sucked.

Price of water: $4 in a fucking paper cup. Really? It's 1299489458473738292943847475 degrees outside and you can't offer water for free or at least cheap enough to buy? Honestly.

Price of beer: 10 fucking dollars.10 FUCKING DOLLARS. I don't think I need to go any further.

Girls: A quarter million.

Girls of age: 0

Total fucking dbag award: The very drunk (or maybe just stupid) guy who myself and everyone I was with collectively elbowed because he was going to extreme lengths to be a dbag. In fact he nearly ruined Saves the Day for everyone. Kids like this should be killed by pressing. Like Giles Corey.

Kids shouldn't: buy anything at Bamboozle. Especially t-shirts from bullshit clothing outfits that entice you to be a rebel and buy a shirt that says "fuck" on it.

Who the fuck is: Justin Bieber?

Number of concussions Erick Miller probably got from Bamboozle: 30

Sunblock: doesn't fucking work.

Kids should: look at themselves in a mirror for a second before leaving the house

Number of times I puked: once. It was awesome.

Best band: Minus the Bear

Best band runner up: Saves the Day

Best band second runner up: Piebald

Worst Band: Weezer. I would like to pause for a moment and comment on this if I could. It boggles my mind how bad Weezer is these days. Like they have plunged the depths of suck, boldly going where not even Metallica has gone before. They haven't put a decent album out since Green and not a good one since Pinkerton. Plus, the three old songs I heard them play they fucked up to unlistenable levels. Does Rivers Cuomo know this happens? Is he insane to the point where he thinks what he does is good, or is he doing this on purpose as some sort of ironic joke? Either way, Weezer suck woolly mammoth penis.

Worst band runner up: MGMT. How fucking boring can you be?

ADHD award: Girl Talk. Was that toilet paper?

By Sunday night Bamboozle resembled: an African refugee camp.

Do people: actually listen to half that shit?

In conclusion: The lineup was better than previous years but it was still a mess of corporate bullshit marketed for rebellion. By rebellion I mean angst your parents can drop you off safely to. It was hot, food and drink was overly expensive, and in my opinion outdoor "punk" rock festivals aren't really all that much fun. Unless I was seeing a band (and I had to LIKE the band) it was kind of a miserable experience. The best part was that Saturday night when we just hung out and got kicked out of an Italian restaurant. We couldn't effectively tailgate and I'm not paying ten bucks for a beer under any circumstance. I don't care if fucking the fate of the world depended on it. Bamboozle should really figure their shit out for next year because at this rate no one is going to go. At least the lineup was better. I guess.