You knew this was coming. Well, maybe you didn't. In fact this was a post I didn't want to write. But shit why not. All of you at least know about the new MTV abomination that is "Jersey Shore". I like to pride myself on being almost completely unaware of current pop culture. Blissfully unaware. However, about two weeks ago I was watching TV on a Thursday, eagerly awaiting the new "Always Sunny..." episode when my roommate informed me that we will be watching the aforementioned MTV nonsense. I flipped out a little. I hate MTV. This is well documented. I knew nothing about this show. Since I don't watch much TV (certainly no MTV) I saw no commercials for this program, nor did I have any idea what it was about. I assumed it was a shitty reality show. I was pretty much correct in my assumption, but I really had no idea what I was in for. Show starts, and...it's a bunch of stupid fake tanned kids with over-gelled hair or silly fake tanned slutty girls with fake accents. So it's like going to the Newburgh waterfront. As a TV show. I should hate every minute. Yet I found myself laughing hysterically at these people. And yes it is laughing AT them. It's like MTV decided that this type of person, the identity challenged kid with over-expensive clothing and a Dragonball-Z haircut, needed to be ridiculed. I watched, and I laughed. A lot. I even looked forward to the inevitable 28 million re-runs of every episode.
It helps that these kids are terrible people. Really terrible. And it helps that when I see these people in real life I hate them just as much as on TV. It also helps that I love trash TV, and Bret Michaels Bang Bus isn't on anymore. What the hell happened in these kids' childhoods that made them this way? Doesn't matter. Many people see this show as a sign of the coming apocalypse. They might be right, but I think they care way too much. It's a fucking TV show designed to exploit those they showcase for profit. Nothing more. An entertaining one at that. This brings me to the crux of the post here. There has been some major controversy (I suppose) about last night's episode. Firstly, I would like to go through some of the characters (because that's what they are). There's a guy on the show who calls himself "The Situation". Skip him, he's a steroid addled mongoloid from the depths of hell. He will die alone in a hospital due to AIDS. One could only hope. Then there is "snookie". What the hell is that thing? She looks like something Godzilla would fight, only in Hobbit size. She was described in an article as a "troll" or "goblin". Yes this is all true of course. I would like to describe her more as a mutant the ninja turtles would come across in one of their adventures. The Shredder created her out of the ooze I think. I think she was a stunt double for Slimer in the first Ghostbusters movie. Matters not of course, let me get to the point. Last night, this silly Jabba the Hutt-like creature was punched in the face. MTV, despite showing it already in commercials, declined to show it in the actual episode. MTV clearly caved into whatever pressure was being thrown their way( probably by women's groups, maybe even PETA), and took the scene out. They only show her being annoying and then on the ground crying. That's fine I guess. I just think it's hilarious that suddenly MTV has a morality issue. Since when? The station has been showing questionable bullshit since The Real World like 4 or 5 and now, suddenly, they can't show a punch in the face. Wasn't it that fuckin Tila Tequila nonsense where they showed the same guy getting punched like every 5 minutes? I am not saying I want to see a girl get hit. Not at all. But that snookie thing isn't a girl. It's a demon from "The Evil Dead" and needs to be stopped. Guy might be a hero. Then, after the episode, they show a Domestic Violence Hotline thing. How the fuck does that even apply? She got punched in a bar by a drunk guy. Period. She didn't get laid out by a guy she was fucking. By the way I'm pretty sure that guy is ruined. Way to sign a release so MTV can show your face asshole. MTV is evil. Always has been. Yet, they managed to finally put something entertaining on TV. If now they'd cancel everything else they air it might be a channel worth watching occasionally. No not at all actually.