Sunday, January 10, 2010

100 movies that are better than Avatar

The two or three of you that read this thing I waste my time on know that I disliked Avatar. Like really disliked it. Therefore I have decided to make a list of sorts. Every single movie on this list is better than Avatar. What's the point of this? To prove that if I filmed myself pooping it would still be better than Avatar. This is why obvious choices like The Godfather or Star Wars aren't on here. They are not in any real order I just wanted to count them down. So enjoy.

100. American Ninja
99. American Ninja 2
98. Conan the Destroyer (the one with Grace Jones)
97. Total Recall
96. Pumpkinhead
95. Ninja 3: The Domination (yes this piece of shit is better than Avatar)
94. Shaolin and Wu-Tang
93. Bloodsport (Van Damme masterpiece)
92. Double Impact (times 2)
91. Only the Strong (I hear the Capoeira theme music in my head right now as I type this)
90. Marked for Death (Seagal vs. Jamaican drug dealer voodoo guys)
89. Big Trouble in Little China (Kurt fucking Russel vs. Chinese evil wizards)
88. The Punisher (with Dolph Lundgren not the newer ones)
87. Phantasm
86. Robocop
85. Death Wish 1-5 (Charles fucking Bronson)
84. Predator
83. The Principal (Best good guy in a bad school movie ever)
82. Children of the Corn
81. Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan (even the odd numbered Star Trek movies are better than Avatar)
80. Superman 1-4 (yes even IV: The Quest for Peace is better than Avatar)
79. Commando (Schwarzenegger vs. half of South America)
78. Under Siege
77. Die Hard
76. Killer Klowns From Outer Space (James Cameron wishes he directed this fine film)
75. The Blob (the 1987 version)
74. The Fly (with Jeff Goldbloom)
73. Rambo 1-3 (even the new one is better than Avatar)
72. The Fist of the White Lotus
71. Delta Force 1-2 ("All Americans and Israeli's get down!")
70. Missing in Action 1-3 (Chuck Norris ain't nuthin to fuck with)
69. The Octagon (Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks an entire ninja clan)
68. Kickboxer
67. The Five Deadly Venoms
66. Shaft (the original not the one with Samuel L. Jackson)
65. Blacula
64. Attack of the Killer Tomato's (classic cinema)
63. Police Academy 1-6
62. Hard to Kill
61. The Five Element Ninjas
60. The Toxic Avenger
59. Earth vs. The Flying Saucers
58. They Live
57. Dick Tracy
56. Clash of the Titans
55. Every Godzilla movie ever made
54. Mothra
53. Virus (with Jamie Lee Curtis fighting cyborg things on a boat)
52. Slumber Party Massacre
51. Die Hard
50. Shogun Assassin
49. Conan the Barbarian
48. Red Sonja
47. The Hobbit (the old animated Disney movie)
46. Krull
45. The Neverending Story
44. Labyrinth
43. Willow
42. Pete's Dragon
41. 8 Diagram Pole Fighter
40. The Dark Crystal
39. Re-Animator
38. Night of the Creeps
37. Twilight Zone: The Movie
36. Flash Gordon
35. Tango & Cash
34. The Secret Of NIMH
33. Red Dawn
32. Road House
31. Scanners
30. I Come in Peace (Dolph Lundgren vs. an alien hitman that throws killer dinner plates that decapitate people)
29. Highlander 1 and 2
28. The Road Warrior
27. Mad Max Beyond Thunderdome (before Mel Gibson's Nazi era)
26. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles(1 and 2: The Secret of the Ooze)
25. Enter the Dragon
24. Turner and Hooch
23. Falling Down
22. Suburban Commando (Hulk Hogan's finest hour)
21. Gremlins
20. The Good, The Bad, and the Ugly
19. The Thing
18. The 36th Chamber of Shaolin
17. Rocky (1-5. Yes even Rocky 5 is better than Avatar)
16. Iron Eagle
15. The Last Starfighter
14. Enemy Mine
13. Stephen King's Silver Bullet
12. Dune
11. John Carpenter's Vampires
10. The Day the Earth Stood Still (not that Keanu Reeves bullshit)
9. The Omega Man
8. Soylent Green
7. Freejack
6. Planet of the Apes
5. No Holds Barred
4. Friday the 13th (the original 8 movies)
3. Darkman
2. Blade Runner
1. The Mighty Ducks

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